But what if we stopped and asked that voice, “Why should I?” Would it be possible to find out what we really want to do or have or feel?

We’re all so busy, moving forward, with our heads down, that it often doesn’t occur to us to ask, “Why?”

But I hear from people on a regular basis who have found themselves uncomfortable enough to become willing to ask that question.

I say “willing” because there is often a lot of fear around the answers that that question could produce.

Fears like, “What if what I want is not what I’ve been doing for the last 10, 20, 30 years?” or “What if I don’t know what I want?” or “What if what I want seems flaky or irresponsible?”

But when I hear those fears, even when they’re my own, I answer with, “Who cares?”  Because really, who does? People who love you want you happy and people who don’t should mind their own business.

The most responsible thing you can do in your life is to find out and do what you truly want to do. Not what your parents wanted, not what your boss expects, not what your friends approve of, not what your *lifestyle* demands, but what YOU want.

You may worry, “Who am I to ask these questions when I have I have a good job and so many people are unemployed?” or “I have a family to support, it doesn’t matter whether I’m satisfied anymore.”

The truth is that if you keep ignoring it, it will manifest in other ways. It manifests in your body between your eyebrows and your tensed up shoulders, in your short breaths and in your stomach or your lower back. It manifests in your waking up at 3:00 am and staring bug eyed at the ceiling as you count tasks like sadistic sheep until you finally just get up and start the day. It manifests in drinking too much, eating too much, flirting just a little too much with that cute new person that *understands* you so well.

All to avoid being self indulgent and asking what YOU want.

You want to be understood. Understand yourself.

If you don’t know what you want, be a detective.

But rather than looking outward, like most people tend to do, look inward because the answers are there.

Most of my clients discover that they have ideas, but they’re afraid to say them out loud. Or they’re so buried in the *shoulds* of being a grown up that they don’t even recognize them.  That’s where some outside help or guidance can be helpful. Whether it’s a book or coach or friend or mentor. Someone else can ask questions that help you dig deep.

As much as you may want someone to tell you what to do, don’t rob yourself of your own genius.

One of my clients just finished her first semester of a Landscape Design program.  Never in a million years would I have come up with that idea.  Someone else is getting ready to go back to school to get his Masters degree in Human Computer Interaction. Another has his sights on a Bed & Breakfast.

These ideas didn’t come right away.  They embraced the idea of exploring and learned to live with the discomfort of not knowing what’s next. They also had family or friends who supported their inquiries and encouraged them to find out what made them happy.  Then they worked together to figure out how to make it happen. That kind of support is critical.

But remember, it doesn’t all happen at once. This is a process and that takes time and patience and a willingness to not know some things for a while.

But you will know you’re on the right track when you find that you *WANT* to know what’s next, rather than thinking that you *should* know.

If you like books, then go to my Amazon store and look under Career & Business for some ideas on starting your exploration. 

If you know what you’d like to do next, but are scared, overwhelmed and not sure how to get there, I’ve got something to share with you.

Michelle Ward, the When I Grow Up Coach, has created: “An Effective Escape: how to leave your day job without ending up in your parent’s basement.” (This is an affiliate link, but seriously, I only affiliate with things I believe in. And if nothing else, go see the cartoon character of me because the resemblance is kinda scary) In this workbook Michelle, in her inimitable way, cheers you on with tips, tools, resources and worksheets to help you dig deep in to your own story.

I certainly could have used this when I started out and in fact, there are things that I can still use now that I’m in my 4th year of business.  Personally, I made so many mistakes when I started out that if I ever do a workbook, it would be called “What Not To Do.”   (Anyone want to buy some beautifully designed portfolio tags for messengering portfolios around town?)

One thing that I did do was believe that it was possible to work for myself and not listen to any negativity. I was fortunate that my friends and family were very supportive. They all believed in my abilities and so, I continued to as well. Don’t get me wrong, there were moments of complete fear and paralysis and there still are from time to time, but I’ve developed a very good ability to detach from unnecessary worry.

There’s a big difference between worrying and planning.  When I realize that the Vampires (as Michelle calls them) are in my head telling me I’m a fool and will never amount to anything I determine if there’s something I need to be doing, rather than avoiding, and then figure out how to deal with it. If the voices are taunting me for no good reason, then I do something to clear my head and put things in perspective. It usually means a change of venue.

I have a client right now who is working in an industry that he thought he would retire in, but when he came to me, he felt that something was off. Through our work, he has discovered what he would like to do next which is start a business of his own. Now, I’m looking forward to his completing these worksheets to help him develop a concrete plan.

Leaving your day job and going for your dreams is risky. But, if you’re not taking risks then you’re being complacent. Is that really what you imagined for yourself?  Michelle helps you plan and prepare so that you don’t end up living in your parent’s basement. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it’s better to do it by choice. For short periods of time).

Some of the highlights:

Staying close to where the action was. I was very lucky to have a friend who graciously let me stay with her.  We got to hang out together and everything was within walking distance which saved me time and money.

     Tip #1 — Pace yourself. For me that meant getting enough sleep and not trying to cram everything in. It’s impossible to see it all, so just do what you can.

Connecting with people — the best part was connecting with old friends and meeting new ones. Most of my encounters ended up being spontaneous either running in to someone or connecting via twitter or text.

     Tip #2 — Stay flexible. People are running around between events. It sometimes works to meet and sometimes not. There’s always something else you can do. But, if you’re thinking about seeing someone, do it.  It’s fun to swap tips and stories and just hang with your pals.  In regards to the actual events I got shut out of a couple of big name speakers but it was fine.  For the first one (Amber Case) I went to the overflow room and for the second (Al Gore and Sean Parker), I took a load off and made some calls.  There’s always an alternative.

Tweeting on the move — I’ve never done this much and had set the intention to do it while here. It was fun. You can see who is at a specific event and if you’re there too, it’s sort of like having someone else’s notes to look at if you miss something.  Next time there’s an event that I’d like to attend, but can’t, I’m going to pay more attention to the hashtags. If you can get past feeling like you’re missing the party, there are some golden nuggets in some people’s tweets.

     Tip #3 — Only tweet if you can still concentrate on what you’re doing. If you get too distracted to really hear what’s being said, take notes and save the tweets for later.  I had to stop a few times when I realized I needed to be more present.

The tradeshow was worth a spin.  First, I like swag and I got some fun t-shirts + stickers. Secondly, it made me realize how much I like to talk to start-ups like this one called Artist Signal where musicians post a song + get voted on with the winner getting $25k to launch their career.  Next year I will be sure to visit the Startup Village.  Finally, the tradeshow gave me an idea for introverts who don’t like to network. See Tip #4.

     Tip #4: Tradeshows or career fairs are great places to practice introducing yourself and giving your *spiel* (or elevator pitch). People want to talk, and they have limited time, so you can practice making an impact with fewer words. If you hate crowds, go to the tables with fewer people. They’ll appreciate it and it’s good practice for you.

Knowing I could return next year. I knew immediately that I would return to this event. That took the pressure off to get everything in this time. Before my trip i decided to not have any expectations and that helped a lot. I went with an open mind, did what I could and took notes for next time.

     Tip #5 — Go with the flow, but be prepared with good shoes, layers of clothing, chargers and business cards.

I stepped out of my comfort zone and was rewarded with an excellent experience. It has me revved up for more events so I will keep you posted. I’m told the Unconference during Creative Week in NYC should be my next stop.  Hopefully, I’ll see you there!

I wasn’t planning to post about this, or even tweet about it because I prefer to take things in and process in my own time. But, I work with many people around my age who I encourage to step out of their comfort zone and embrace technology, so I’ve decided to take my own advice.

While it’s part of my routine to check out Twitter in the morning and schedule my tweets for the week, it’s not something I do on the fly. When I’m out in the world, I go *old school* and pay attention to what I’m doing instead of tweeting about it (mostly because my multi-tasking has its limits). But, when I’m not at an event and want to see what’s happening, I do enjoy watching the #hashtags to see what’s going on.

For freelancers like me, I want to know if it’s worth shelling out our hard earned money to check out this extravagantly hyped scene in Texas.  I will report back.  My hope is that I’ll see old friends, meet new ones, learn a lot, eat good food and have fun.

I’ll let you know how it goes. Meanwhile if you’re there, give me a shout out on Twitter (or email) and let’s try to meet up in person!

HOW TO ORGANIZE YOUR WORK:

A few years ago, it was most common to show your work divided up by the type of media, so there would be a section for interactive, another for TV and another for print.

However, now it’s preferred that you show your work by campaign or client. Recruiters and hiring managers want to see the breadth of your work and how you think across all channels. Can you take an idea and carry it through in digital, social, print, TV, outdoor?

But, sometimes a recruiter will want to quickly find something specific, like your broadcast or interactive. I have seen portfolios where the viewer can decide how they want to look at the work and organize it by campaign or by media. (This feature might take some figuring out as to how to execute, but definitely worth the effort). Another idea might be to tag your work so that people can search with tags like “interactive” or “broadcast.”

Always have a downloadable resume and all of the ways to connect with you like email, phone number and/or social media.

WHAT TO SHOW:

Show only your best work. They tell you this in school and it will be true throughout your career. If you’re not excited about the work, don’t show it. If you think a prospective client or job might like to see an example of something specific, like a DM (direct mail) piece that you’ve done, then bring it to the interview in case they ask for an example.

Have at least 8 to 10 campaigns on your site (suggested by my “go to” seasoned recruiter in Boston, Carol Taylor). But don’t put average work in to reach that amount. If you don’t have it yet, strive for it.

It’s okay to show work that didn’t get produced if you really love it. Some of the best work doesn’t get produced. But, make sure you’re showing some things that get produced or your ability to sell your ideas will be questioned.

HOW TO SHOW YOUR WORK:

Make sure the colors are clear and the copy is readable. Especially if you’re a writer, the copy absolutely must be readable. A technique that many use is to click on the screen shot to enlarge it.

Save screen shots of all the work you’ve done in case the site changes down the road. I particularly like when someone has both options available — look at the screen shot on the portfolio site or go to the live link (if it hasn’t been altered).

Specifically for UX people: Another tip from Carol: show people how you think, outline the problem/challenge/your role in solving it, how it was solved, step by step, the final outcome/results and all related documentation and designs, including post it notes when applicable.

Showing personal or experimental work is great if it enhances our understanding of who you are and what you’re capable of.

If you have proprietary work, password protect your site or portions of it. You can give it to a recruiter for a week and then have it expire. This is often done with pharmaceutical work.

Practice presenting your portfolio. No matter what level you are, it’s always a good idea to do that before a meeting, especially if you’ve changed the format. You want to be familiar with your book and able to adapt your presentation to the situation you’re presented with.

The main thing with your portfolio is to keep it up to date and always work on improving it. That’s the beauty of the digital portfolio. Once you have a system that you can work yourself, you can update it as often as you’d like.

First, a round up of resources from my site and others:

• 8 Tips On Perfecting Your Creative Portfolio
• My Pantheon of Notables Interview with Joanne Weaver.  Joanne is an elite recruiter (and sings too!). She specializes in UX and gave us some very helpful guidelines for what she looks for in a digital portfolio.
• Recent article from Behance’s site, The 99 Percent: 6 Steps To Creating a Knockout Online Portfolio.

Places to post your portfolio:

You can go one of 2 routes. You can either post it on a creative portfolio community or blogging platform or build your own site, like mine that’s on WordPress. I had someone create my site and then tell me how to use it, but I do know some smartie pants people who have figured it out on their own.  Wordpress is not the only way to go, but it’s the most common right now and it’s what I’m personally familiar with. I love how easy it is to use.

You will want to make sure that you can make updates yourself. The days of having to connect with your programmer to update your site are over, so if you’re doing that now, then it’s time to make a switch so you can make your life easier.

Portfolio communities

(there are gazillions of these so I’ve listed a few of my favorites. There are always new ones cropping up and I’m sure I’ve forgotten some, so please list ones that you like in the comments below)

Behance Network

Cargo Collective (the advantage of this is that you can create your own URL. I’m not sure how to do this, but one of my clients figured it out and seems happy with it. Of course, you still have to work within their template).

Carbonmade

The Creative Finder from Design Taxi

Krop (with digital focus)

Coroflot

Blogging Platforms:

Tumblr

Posterous

Blogger

For DIY:

Indexhibit — it looks like they’re currently rebuiding a new version of this site, but check back.

WordPress

Some things to think about for your portfolio:

__ Make sure that your links work. That includes when you post the portfolio link on Linkedin.  I’ve seen many creative profiles on Linkedin who have a link that doesn’t work.

__ If you include Twitter as a way to get to know you, then use Twitter. Don’t bother if your last update was in July on your way to the pool. If it helps someone get to know you, then by all means, include it.

__ Have a point of view:  when someone looks at your portfolio, do they get to know you a little more?  Do they know what your creative vision is?  If you’re more junior, and you’re still developing it, then talk about what gave you the fire in your belly to become a professional creative. If you’re more senior and either moving in to or already are a leader, then talk about who you are as a leader.

__ Look around at how other portfolios are set up to notice trends, and what has become outdated (like lengthy Flash intros or blasting music), but if you start to freak out about how good everyone else’s portfolios are, then stop doing it.

__ Even though your portfolio is online, you still need to work on your presentation of it, and bring it with you to an interview.  That means bring your laptop or an iPad. It also wouldn’t hurt to have a back up printed copy. Nothing fancy, just a bound notebook of printed pages.

I hope these are helpful and please share any insights or resources you have in the comments. I’d like to add them to my Resources page too.

I actually got this idea from Beth Dotolo, an Interior Designer in Dallas, who has a site called Hello, Splendor. She wrote in her New Year’s Day post that instead of making a resolution, she would just try to be better. I thought it was brilliant in its simplicity and have been thinking about it ever since.

In yoga today, I was in a pose that I hate and sometimes when I’m really tired, like I was today, I make a half-assed attempt. But, today I thought that I would do better than half-assed and give it my all, in spite of how uncomfortable I find it.

Then, as I was deep breathing and trying to let go of my thoughts, I kept thinking of how doable it is in our daily lives to just be better.

• Instead of rushing off the phone with your friend who is venting about her boyfriend, yet again, take a deep breath and sit back to really listen to her. Be a better friend.

• Even if it’s raining out, be a better citizen and let the old lady have the closer parking space.

• If you’re deciding whether to go to the gym after work, decide to be better and go, even though you’d rather go home.

• If you don’t feel like calling your Mom, be a better daughter and call her.

You get the idea. You don’t have to get in to medical school or sell your book idea to a publisher today. Just be better. You’ll be one step closer to your best.

1. Stop worrying so much about whether I’m doing things the right way. This one has plagued me for so long that I cringe as I write it. Imagine the mental space that could be freed up by letting go of this thought.

2. Be discerning. For me this relates to dating. For the past year I’ve been working on being open because a couple of people suggested that maybe I’m too picky. But, I learned today that I deserve to be discerning. That was an eye opener and a huge relief.

3. Be specific about what you want. This is important for me and for my clients who are creating a vision for their life. We can’t just say, “I want to be successful.” What does that mean? It’s different for everyone. What will it look like? How will it feel? How will you know when you’ve reached it? As Delphina said, when we order a pizza, we don’t just say, “Send me a pie.” We’re very specific on the size, the toppings, and the type of crust.

4. We create what we believe. In theory, I know this. I’ve done some affirmations here and there, but I tend to want instant results. So I’ll say something like, “I am open to the flow of money in to my life” and then when it doesn’t show up in that day’s mail, I forget about it. Things don’t happen that quickly. We have to be thorough and consistent. I can’t just say positive things intermittently. I have to do it so much that it changes the pathways in my brain so that I’m raising my energy to the energy of what I want. That’s the Law of Attraction.

5. Be authentic and realize that I can’t please everyone. A lot of people talk about being authentic. I always think I’m being authentic, but I’ve often worried about sounding too “crunchy” or “touchy feely”. So, over the years, I’ve kept a lot of what I’ve learned to myself. But now I’m a coach and some of it comes in handy. I also write about how to find satisfaction in your life or career. As I tend to write from my own experience, or those of my clients, I’ve been exposing more of my inner chakra clearing, deep breathing, candle burning self. I’m sure I’ve lost some of my posse, but it’s really true that as you get older, you care less about what people think. As my parents always said, “You win some, you lose some.”

So there you have my top 5 intentions for 2012. They’re all focused on getting what I want out of life. I’m so lucky to be doing what I love for a living, especially after many years of being completely befuddled by what my purpose is. If you’re feeling that way now, know that it doesn’t have to be that way. When we’re struggling, we’re usually getting in our own way. Not always, but one of the few things in our control is our intention. So get clear on your intention(s) for 2012. And let me know if you need some help.

Aside from continuing to work as hard, and as well, as you’ve been doing, it’s important to connect with people in a way that will turn them in to long term connections.  You do this by developing relationships that you’ve already started.

Start by creating a list of who you’ve interacted with and would like to keep in touch with.

Some possibilities to include:

• People who were “above” you and you would like to thank.

For example, did you really love the Executive Creative Director but never got to work with him?  Then, ask his assistant if he thinks that the ECD would be open to a meeting set up simply to meet him and say thank you.

Or how about the Account Director that you worked with and learned so much from?  You could either stop by her office or send a meeting invite.

• People who you worked with and appreciated.

• People who seem well connected + could be good contacts for networking moving forward.

• People who you can offer something to. 

For example, if someone asked you if you know of a realtor and you never got back to them, send it to them now. (By the way, I DO know of a really good, trustworthy realtor in NYC).

Then what?

Think about what you’d like to say to each person. 

Some possible points to touch on:

• Let them know when your last day is.

• Thank them for the opportunity and tell them what you liked about working there.

• Ask them if they know of any openings at another company that you might pursue.

• Ask if they work with any headhunters that they really like or if they have any internal recruiter names that you could reach out to. 

Then depending on what you want to communicate with each person, you could casually stop by their office, schedule a brief meeting or invite them out for coffee or lunch.

Hopefully by now, you know how these people like to communicate.  If not, and they have an assistant, ask them.

Often, I hear from my clients that they don’t want to bother people. But, think about it.  If someone approached you like this, how would you feel?  I doubt you’d be annoyed.  People love to hear that someone enjoyed working with them.  Most people like to help someone else out too. Not everyone follows through and that’s why I added the step about connecting with the people that you have something to offer to.  Be a connector. It’s takes a little extra effort, but it’s always appreciated and we could always use more connectors.

Finally, after you’ve done all of that, still send out an email to your contacts to give them your contact information. After they’ve heard from you directly, that good-bye email will have that extra OOMPH.

In Bikram yoga it’s the same routine every day. The same 26 poses, the same monologue from the teacher, the same bright room with the mirrors where I have to face myself again, each day. But, within the structure you start to see variety. We had a guest teacher the other day and his pacing was so different that it really threw me off. It made me realize what I loved about the regular teachers at my studio. One focuses on stilling our minds, the other gives a lot of instruction on correct poses, while the other leaves more silence in between her words. I love them all.

I feel calmer, happier and stronger than I’ve felt in a long time. It’s the endorphins and getting stronger, but also the routine of it. In my other yoga classes, I never knew what to expect. Will I like the teacher? Will I like her sequence today? Should I even go? When the sequence is the same every day, I don’t ask these questions. Instead I just show up.

As I pointed out in my recent interview with Thekla Richter, Twyla Tharp talks about the importance of ritual to the creative person:

“It’s vital to establish some rituals – automatic but decisive patterns of behavior – at the beginning of the creative process, when you are most at peril of turning back, chickening out, giving up, or going the wrong way.”

When I fill up my bag to go to yoga, it’s part of my ritual. I walk in to the studio and talk to everyone there and I’m enriching my experience with people, but once I’m in that studio, and class starts, I’m back to the structure.  It’s outside of the studio that I feel the effects. What are these exactly? Well, I’m calmer and I’m more productive. I procrastinate less on things like my bookkeeping. My satisfaction quotient is not just higher, but steadier.

Yoga may not be your thing, but think about what kind of structure or ritual you can create and commit to in your life. Give it a set amount of time to turn it in to a habit. I mostly hear 90 days is a good goal to create a habit, but I’ve recently heard 40 as well. Personally, I like to do it in 30-day chunks that add up to 90. But give it a try and see if it doesn’t change your life in some way.