I’ve been thinking a lot lately about that voice in my head that says, “I should go to that event” or “I should go to this meeting.”  I’ve been noticing that my clients also hear their own *should* voice.

But what if we stopped and asked that voice, “Why should I?” Would it be possible to find out what we really want to do or have or feel?

We’re all so busy, moving forward, with our heads down, that it often doesn’t occur to us to ask, “Why?”

But I hear from people on a regular basis who have found themselves uncomfortable enough to become willing to ask that question.

I say “willing” because there is often a lot of fear around the answers that that question could produce.

Fears like, “What if what I want is not what I’ve been doing for the last 10, 20, 30 years?” or “What if I don’t know what I want?” or “What if what I want seems flaky or irresponsible?”

But when I hear those fears, even when they’re my own, I answer with, “Who cares?”  Because really, who does? People who love you want you happy and people who don’t should mind their own business.

The most responsible thing you can do in your life is to find out and do what you truly want to do. Not what your parents wanted, not what your boss expects, not what your friends approve of, not what your *lifestyle* demands, but what YOU want.

You may worry, “Who am I to ask these questions when I have I have a good job and so many people are unemployed?” or “I have a family to support, it doesn’t matter whether I’m satisfied anymore.”

The truth is that if you keep ignoring it, it will manifest in other ways. It manifests in your body between your eyebrows and your tensed up shoulders, in your short breaths and in your stomach or your lower back. It manifests in your waking up at 3:00 am and staring bug eyed at the ceiling as you count tasks like sadistic sheep until you finally just get up and start the day. It manifests in drinking too much, eating too much, flirting just a little too much with that cute new person that *understands* you so well.

All to avoid being self indulgent and asking what YOU want.

You want to be understood. Understand yourself.

If you don’t know what you want, be a detective.

But rather than looking outward, like most people tend to do, look inward because the answers are there.

Most of my clients discover that they have ideas, but they’re afraid to say them out loud. Or they’re so buried in the *shoulds* of being a grown up that they don’t even recognize them.  That’s where some outside help or guidance can be helpful. Whether it’s a book or coach or friend or mentor. Someone else can ask questions that help you dig deep.

As much as you may want someone to tell you what to do, don’t rob yourself of your own genius.

One of my clients just finished her first semester of a Landscape Design program.  Never in a million years would I have come up with that idea.  Someone else is getting ready to go back to school to get his Masters degree in Human Computer Interaction. Another has his sights on a Bed & Breakfast.

These ideas didn’t come right away.  They embraced the idea of exploring and learned to live with the discomfort of not knowing what’s next. They also had family or friends who supported their inquiries and encouraged them to find out what made them happy.  Then they worked together to figure out how to make it happen. That kind of support is critical.

But remember, it doesn’t all happen at once. This is a process and that takes time and patience and a willingness to not know some things for a while.

But you will know you’re on the right track when you find that you *WANT* to know what’s next, rather than thinking that you *should* know.

If you like books, then go to my Amazon store and look under Career & Business for some ideas on starting your exploration.